Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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