in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
