this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
