grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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