Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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