Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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