I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize