I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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