We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
