They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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