I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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