can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
