I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
