ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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