she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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