the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
