you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
