I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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