matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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