totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
