thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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