omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
