is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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