bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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