I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
