He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
