bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
