You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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