I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
