marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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