apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
