Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
