I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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