he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
