You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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