I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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