**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
