i permit you to call me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize