Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
