There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
