No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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