What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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