I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
