I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
a search helicopter?!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
