3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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