I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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