yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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