how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
