So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize