man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
