we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
