I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
