I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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