I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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