I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
