I need help removing her.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
