Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Quick, to the slutcave!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
