90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
