im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
