I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
