if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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