Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
